PAIN
Mike Broadhurst
"On a level of 1-to-10, how is your pain?"
If you have ever spent any prolonged time in a hospital, this is a question with which I'm sure you are quite familiar. It was asked of me so frequently during my 24-days at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland that, to be honest, I really didn't know how to answer.
Being hospitalized is somewhat of a paradox. Logic suggests that the best remedy for multiple surgeries, replete (in my case) with six tubes and IV's protruding from your body, would be rest. However, as they say, when you are in a hospital there is no rest for the weary.
Every two to four hours there is either a technician, a nurse, a doctor or a room attendant at your door looking to either put something in your body or extract something from it. With nearly every visit, the inquiry is the same, "On a level of 1-to-10, how is your pain?"
To answer that question forthrightly required a lot of soul searching, because to be honest I did not know how much pain I could endure before it became a "10."
For example, how does the discomfort of a tube the width of a pencil and 14 inches long extended to the lower portion of your lung compare to having your arm shot off in the middle of war? Or, how does a stint 1-inch in diameter and 7-inches long that holds open your esophagus compare to a tumor on your neck, so large it threatens to choke life from your body?
What about the friend who has battled cancer for the last year-and-a-half compare? Or the impoverished child half a world away with tummies distended from malnutrition and starvation? Or even more sublimely, the loss of a child?
As I reflected on these things, I developed my favorite answer. Three. Why?
First of all, let me admit, I do not have a high threshold for pain. I've never been particularly adept at enduring it, and have put forth concerted efforts to avoid anything that might pose a prospect for pain. So, yeah, I'm a sissy.
However, I knew for sure my pain was not a 10, so with lots of time on my hand I started a process of rating pain? If 10 is the most severe, then was I an 8, 7 or 6?
To me, on the painometer, the answer had to be no. They hadn't put a catheter in (even the thought hurts), nor had they inserted a ventilator, which one RN assured me rather menacingly "You don't want," in an attempt to get me to breath after the first surgery. So, if catheters and ventilators are not so uncommon and people come through those implements fairly regularly, anything above 5 was out of the question.
Was I at a five? Possibly, but five is half way to 10 and I wasn't sure I could even quantify the pain as that severe. So, I chose three because to me it represented more than just discomfort. It required the infusion of pain killers to keep it from growing worse and left enough room to go up on the scale without tempting the most severe pain, a 10.
What I realized during all of this was that the more I thought about pain, the less I could concentrate on what I really needed. Pain was a distraction trying to keep me from my heart's desire and that was healing. So, in a spiritual sense there was a battle going on every time someone asked me, "On a scale of 1-to-10, how is your pain?"
During this process I came to see that pain is one of the adversary's great weapons used in an attempt to lead us away from God's grace and place attention on ourselves. Pain is an enemy to faith. It tempts us to accuse God, leading to the inevitable question, "God, why me?"
Except that Yvonne and I have seen how faith has changed the lives of so many people, I suppose making such a charge would be a logical conclusion. Fortunately for us, we've been exposed to far too much of God's power to buy into such a deception. Whether it was the prisons of South Carolina, the addicted and forgotten on the streets of Savannah, Georgia, or the hopeless and impovershed of Madagascar, we have a personally witnessed hundreds who have been delivered from pain and brought into the joy of the Lord.
Knowing His nature and desire for us changes the dynamics of the query. Rather than, "God, why me?" a different perspective was possible when I asked, "God, why not me?"
What I choose to take from the last 30 days was not an opportunity to accuse God of His lack of love or mercy for me, but to look at the ways God expressed His love toward me and Yvonne and how we might minister to others simultaneously.
My wife, my family, my friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ all over the world reached out to me and to the Lord on my behalf with a power and authority not known in the natural realm and that is what I take away from this trial. That is, that love was made manifest and faith grew for all of us. And God was glorified in the process.
I have not arrived at a point where I'm willing to say thank you to Him for the 1-in-100 chance of complications and the "threes" that followed, but in the midst of battle I can tell you there is a God who loves us all and wants to use each and everyone of us to touch a world fraught with pain and suffering. That is what Jesus Christ did for us and through Him what you, my loved ones, have done for me.